he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.