I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
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In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
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Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death