They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while