swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.