I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
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I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
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wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.