He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself