I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?