She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.