I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"