A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then