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Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
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