raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.