I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."