Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Minnesota (651)

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  Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.

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  (651): Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad. http://tfl.nu/pphf
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  sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure

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  you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends

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  (651): sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure (1-651): you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends http://tfl.nu/j2wt
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  Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess

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  (651): Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess http://tfl.nu/7tw6
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  So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.

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  (651): So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure. http://tfl.nu/i2sm
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  The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.

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  (651): The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off. http://tfl.nu/d6pj
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  Could a canary swim?

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  Last time I ever let you pet sit.

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  (651): Could a canary swim? (952): Last time I ever let you pet sit. http://tfl.nu/tcs0
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  theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it

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  nevermind its newpaper

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  (651): theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it (651): nevermind its newpaper http://tfl.nu/18ms
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  the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.

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  (651): the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction. http://tfl.nu/x0dk
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  It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.

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  (651): It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave. http://tfl.nu/tj8s
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  nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.

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  (651): nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list. http://tfl.nu/o8v1
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  Why are handjobs necessary in class?

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  (651): Why are handjobs necessary in class? http://tfl.nu/p9nw
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  nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent

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  (651): nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent http://tfl.nu/r5vc
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  After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive

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  (651): After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive http://tfl.nu/5g38
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  I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.

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  (651): I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning. http://tfl.nu/un48
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  What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?

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  (651): What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid? http://tfl.nu/a3m4
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