I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon