professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
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That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.