Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
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saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.