I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.