You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
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Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
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I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos