Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.