They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.