i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands