i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday