College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.