I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.