Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New York (518)

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  (518): View more from New York

  i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.

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  (518): i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage. http://tfl.nu/gxvx
  Replies (6) Good night (2810) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant

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  (518): Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant http://tfl.nu/517l
  Replies (17) Good night (5146) Bad night (935) Order T-Shirt
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  You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window

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  (518): You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window http://tfl.nu/qxzy
  Replies (14) Good night (3220) Bad night (472)
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  i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur

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  did it start talking like on Land before time?

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  (518): i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur (413): did it start talking like on Land before time? http://tfl.nu/4v1u
  Replies (12) Good night (3937) Bad night (558)
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  (518): View more from New York

  i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno

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  (518): i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno http://tfl.nu/fv58
  Replies (29) Good night (454) Bad night (2808) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face

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  (518): Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face http://tfl.nu/t4mk
  Replies (17) Good night (540) Bad night (2716) Order T-Shirt
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  What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.

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  (518): What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store. http://tfl.nu/xk1d
  Replies (2) Good night (2234) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
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  haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting

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  (518): haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting http://tfl.nu/19oh
  Replies (20) Good night (2183) Bad night (646)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.

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  May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.

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  (518): I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day. (612): May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees. http://tfl.nu/b9l3
  Replies (10) Good night (601) Bad night (1846)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.

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  (518): Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok. http://tfl.nu/9a6a
  Replies (32) Good night (590) Bad night (2026) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.

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  (518): after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date. http://tfl.nu/xryi
  Replies (43) Good night (8087) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.

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  (518): Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion. http://tfl.nu/ju2t
  Replies (49) Good night (2729) Bad night (473) Order T-Shirt
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  True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.

  (1-518): View more from New York

  True? Did she teach you things?

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  She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.

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  (518): True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night. (1-518): True? Did she teach you things? (518): She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am. http://tfl.nu/r18t
  Replies (13) Good night (2704) Bad night (615)
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  (518): View more from New York

  He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.

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  (518): He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me. http://tfl.nu/ya5v
  Replies (2) Good night (2002) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.

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  (518): He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock. http://tfl.nu/iuj0
  Replies (4) Good night (602) Bad night (2315) Order T-Shirt