Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.