Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
naw, they were rude, not me.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
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I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.