he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.