You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.