I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dating After Heartbreak
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.