Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?