You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
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I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
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At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.