Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Illinois (773)

Sort By: Date / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?

  (773): View more from Illinois

  it's more of a rinse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar? (773): it's more of a rinse. http://tfl.nu/la1k
  Replies (66) Good night (1335) Bad night (2391)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink. http://tfl.nu/eils
  Replies (25) Good night (3275) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem. http://tfl.nu/9i07
  Replies (30) Good night (5101) Bad night (707)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first http://tfl.nu/bbw8
  Replies (13) Good night (2333) Bad night (986) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you. http://tfl.nu/kzww
  Replies (25) Good night (928) Bad night (2840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper http://tfl.nu/ngxc
  Replies (9) Good night (2712) Bad night (438)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept http://tfl.nu/49pe
  Replies (10) Good night (461) Bad night (1737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Um, that's called prostitution

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Um, that's called prostitution (773): Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money http://tfl.nu/jjue
  Replies (4) Good night (2609) Bad night (445)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about http://tfl.nu/411c
  Replies (24) Good night (957) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas. http://tfl.nu/zv1j
  Replies (1) Good night (524) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman? http://tfl.nu/4514
  Replies (28) Good night (2307) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.

  (773): View more from Illinois

  You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight. (773): You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal http://tfl.nu/9vmu
  Replies (9) Good night (1578) Bad night (649)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving http://tfl.nu/f17y
  Replies (9) Good night (688) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision... http://tfl.nu/88cp
  Replies (23) Good night (505) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Taylor Swift is so right about you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Taylor Swift is so right about you. http://tfl.nu/etcx
  Replies (9) Good night (703) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt