There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication