the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section