You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick