Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.