She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
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Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.