Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
This is sufficient.
just found the deal breaker
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day