bring money and cleavage
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
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So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.