im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom