So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom