All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time