All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
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Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
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I'm fucking your sister right now.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time