remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday