Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
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okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
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We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.