He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If that was your dad, he is hot