Texts From Last Night

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  (801): View more from Utah

  He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.

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  (801): He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me. http://tfl.nu/il2t
  Replies (8) Good night (2108) Bad night (453) Order T-Shirt
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..

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  (605): I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us.. http://tfl.nu/2996
  Replies (20) Good night (3284) Bad night (554)
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  (607): View more from New York

  You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.

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  (607): You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house. http://tfl.nu/rggh
  Replies (12) Good night (1367) Bad night (371) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.

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  (970): I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation. http://tfl.nu/iw3q
  Replies (6) Good night (1757) Bad night (400)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.

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  (765): I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him. http://tfl.nu/g1zb
  Replies (7) Good night (1293) Bad night (374) Order T-Shirt
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.

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  (267): just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go. http://tfl.nu/i3o2
  Replies (4) Good night (890) Bad night (2361) Order T-Shirt
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?

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  (423): There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night? http://tfl.nu/kr4w
  Replies (2) Good night (507) Bad night (1082) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar

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  (410): Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar http://tfl.nu/p9qp
  Replies (6) Good night (2941) Bad night (399) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis

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  (970): Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis http://tfl.nu/gujt
  Replies (13) Good night (3461) Bad night (461) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss

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  (724): Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss http://tfl.nu/6mbx
  Replies (2) Good night (514) Bad night (1060) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA

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  (214): IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA http://tfl.nu/ecmd
  Replies (16) Good night (699) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
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  (352): View more from Florida

  The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"

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  (352): The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again" http://tfl.nu/25pr
  Replies (6) Good night (3512) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.

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  (864): Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some. http://tfl.nu/bkik
  Replies (27) Good night (3230) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
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  (801): View more from Utah

  After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.

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  (801): After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me. http://tfl.nu/tfvw
  Replies (4) Good night (596) Bad night (1358) Order T-Shirt