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Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
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