I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
