just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
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the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
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Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!