So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
soo... how was my night?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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