did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
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Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.