I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.