You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
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Drink for every country you've never heard of.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
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i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.