if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Dating After Heartbreak
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Actions speak louder than pants.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen