I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Goodnight sugar queer
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.