just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?