I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason