I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.