She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.