If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin