happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
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I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.