Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday