You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.