It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Dignity is for republicans.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE