Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.